She doesn't find me because she doesn't want to see me, I don't find her because I know she doesn't want to see me, and more than that, perhaps, no, after all these years of thoughts, I am still having feelings for her, and I will not be able to suffer the knowing of her with others.

Well, it's not like that, I know I have been saying this. It's fine, be happy, but I love you, therefore it's good just knowing.