這天回到中大，想當年乘巴士上聯合書院，參加GPA的面試已經是四年前的事。山上風景還是差不多，只是當時還是塵土飛揚，如今一座座新建築早已經落成。

去到中大，只為拜訪黃鶴回教授，有關於升學和學術，一些報了MA和之前自己畢業論文留下的問號。

這天和教授討論了不少問題，印象最深的是他講及何謂Science，其實不過是Method，有系統和條件的整理所得，構建成知識。因此，方法本身先於題目，如方法不對多好的題目也無用。

常看選舉結果，人人都說選民自己會配票，從結果中各人得票的差距多少是能斷定部份，但作為學術上一個可以論證的題目並不足夠。就算要處理選舉的問題，我想也不是現在出文較少而又偏Qualitative的一輩香港學者所能及。

當中教授處理區議會對於立法會的得票效應手法獨特，就是透過比較那些民主派得票僅僅不過半的地區，在區議會和立法會選舉的表現。因為選不上，所以就能得知選民非是因為區議員的資源而繼續在立法會投他們黨的票；又因為該區戰況激烈，所以就令該區成為研究得票關係的重心地區。不過Regression Discontinuity 還是有讀沒懂。

感覺Quantitative會是主流，就是讀了教授Electoral Studies的文章才冒昧拜訪。

教授勸說應先讀好Methodology，然後才慢慢選方向，而就算方向也要慎選，要找些比較有空間和熱門的題目研究，待得自己有了一定能力，才回來香港方面也不晚。他提醒我還是應該努力到美國讀MPhil/DPhil，畢竟比歐洲資源更多更好。

倒是他見面後就提出想我當他的Research Assistant比較意外，畢竟Undergraduate只有2:2。他研究的題目我有興趣，而選舉方法的研究作為志業也是自己的意願，但是不確定會不會起步慢了，也無法得知自己能否勝任面前的挑戰。

四年回去，有點輪迴。

你的努力我們一直都有看到，最少我在香港作為粉絲有很留意。

就像你習慣很貼心的在別人訪你家時，都會放上別人的物品。（好像是湯鎮偉的運程書，又或者是小鬼的海報）這些我們都看在眼裡。有時真的覺得有點假，但是想想也很貼心。

很少這樣對著自己喜歡的藝人打這堆話，但是看了康熙以後就改觀了，覺得不說不行。

陳為民先生和沈玉琳先生都是我很很很喜歡的前輩。當聽到他們說，很多助理主持只是希望靠著自己的姿色來擺平技術上的不足，結果下來還是很花瓶，不能成功的轉型。

當下聽到，真的獃了幾秒鐘。我真覺得這話說到了重心。

想著，不少美女很漂亮，但是願意轉型學習的不多，結果就局限了自己的發展。少數像是廖奕璇小姐，做名模時還堅持不斷學舞練習，她就是我自己努力的對象。常想著女生外貌好多吃香，後來才發現原來不盡真實，背後的努力才更重要。

看到連你這樣外貌不錯的女生，也會不甘心想局限自己的空間，試試不同於模特兒的工作，學著唱歌跳舞做綜藝當主持，就每每會再難關激勵到自己。我相信自己在某方面不會輸你，所以也很用心的在攻讀研究院。

希望你可以擺脫自己名模的一面，更用心，更放開，可以做到一位成功的面面俱圓的主持。

能對敬仰的人表達敬意，是我的榮幸。:)

1.IQ is like an engine and EQ is like steering wheel, and where you are going is comparatively more important than how quick you are getting there. 

Relying on IQ alone seems equivalent to Huxley's famous quote by expecting an encyclopedia through a group of monkey's random typing.

2. Going to learn some horoscope, seems interesting enough despite not so scientific.

3. Being materialistic is being strategic, and being romantic is being tactical. There are certain times when these two factors change hands, and they just have to.

You can learn to be less obsessed with material by playing through positions with dynamic advantage, learn to be more pragmatic and patient with static advantage. Being fixated in certain specific situation changes your general perception, and the way you changed your thinking changes the way you act.

IQ is the engine and EQ is the steering wheel. As slow as it gets as long as I am going where I have to go, whereas speed itself is not important if I ain't going where I belong.

Those we find attractive are not faithful to us; those we find faithful are not attractive to us.

Does women know what they want? Does men know what they want?

Are we prepared to sacrifice an exchange?

1. Was thinking that, you know, sometimes if you are really learning, maybe sometimes it is worth while to spend time to revise, as long as it is education.

2. Took some time to finish the typing, translated them into my own notes

http://www.beautyexchange.com.hk/portal.php?mod=list&uid=166287&page=1

a) Waiting - You will never wait till somebody says yes, if they love you, they will never have not let you wait. Time is merely for an active mutual understanding.

b) Attachment to single - The worry of being single is more of a lack of self-appreciation, one should take some time to cultivate a proper self attitude, and not like going to clubbing where it's mere physical and face attraction.

c) Sex - The urge is merely a lack of appreciation and possession, it is necessary to learn to let go thing, have no fear and thus being able to treat your desires, your partner in a proper and agreeable manner.

d) Flirting - Even though sometimes it would be worth while seeing who's a better match, still, doing it in a pack of people who knows each other would be disgusting, even though such is commonplace enough. I call it diversionary stupidity. It doesn't matter who you are or how you look.

e) Swift break-up - The delay with eventually lead to an indulgence, more of a dependency theory. If you have to break up, break, and let the wound heal, do not delay. Still, I think an apology/ vote of thanks is necessary, recognise things the others have done for you is always necessary. Thanking doesn't mean being not who you are, trying to fake.

f) Dating - It is more of an opportunity to let each other developing their likes to love, and we have to realise both of the parties are on an equal footing. There is no chase, there is just understanding and assessments between each other. You choose other, other chooses you.

g) Reality and Imagination - Be considerate and reasonable to the expectations in a relationship, do realise what you are looking for and make sure you also know things are not perfect, there are give and take. You have to be able to endure some to get some.

h) Be friends with ex -  There is no necessity to be friends with ex, the residual image and memory can cause discomfort. I think generally it is acceptable to be so, as long as it is an open option up to each individual, if you want to close a wound, close it firm and clean cut. Then don't touch it again. Friends are not in short supply. There is always replace. Be hopeful for him or her doesn't mean you have to keep in touch with him/her.

i) Hide smartness - There is no appeasement policy, you should not play dumb (girls) or play smart (boys) in order to get somebody by not being yourself. You are always yourself, and you have to show confidence, you don't get bothered with being single by losing your own confidence and appreciation in yourself, being too desperate. I know, it sounds tricky, because you are not solving the problem by seeing it as not a problem. But perhaps, it can be the solution.

j) Soulmate vs Partner - Soulmate is someone you can share ideas with and talk to freely, and often you have to hide some secrets in front of your bf/gf, soulmate as a boyfriend/girlfriend only exists in theory. The difference can perhaps be an intriguing factor in the relationship

1.「無論走到哪裡，都應該記住，過去都是假的，回憶是一條沒有盡頭的路，一切以往的春天都不復存在，就連那最堅韌而又狂亂的愛情歸根結底也不過是一種轉瞬即逝的現實。」（馬爾克斯，《百年孤寂》作者，今日凌晨在墨西哥城去世，享年87歲。）

2.The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. -Alden Nowlan

3.http://forum1.hkgolden.com/view.aspx?type=LV&message=5075455

1. 總體而言，別人都叫我要努力面對，做好自己。

是的，我還喜歡她，還對於過去對她不夠好的事在意。

是的，也早就妥協和接受了她不再愛我的事實，都七年了。

是的，所以希望她好好找到別人。

是的，不過可不可以要我繼續知下去聽下去？如果Ken 真的和Rose一起，甚至其實Rose和誰在一起都沒關係，可不可能忽略我？我受不了。

唯一願望，是我想臨走前再見Ken一次，最怕的不是Rose有了別人，那很正常，而是怕Ken如果真和Rose一起，要不Rose叫他不要理會我，要不他自己主動不理我。

2 http://www.beautyexchange.com.hk/blog/%E6%B8%AF%E5%A7%90

有時會讀愛情文章挺多，但是要讀點比較辣的，這樣才能和自己對照。不要沉迷因為那也是自我中心，就偶爾細讀，再誠實的和自己對照，其中有個說得挺中

並不是說所有男人拍拖都只是為了上床，但一個男人未拍拖就已經如此猴禽，斷估都不是什麼正人君子。那麼一個非正人君子，想著只做而不愛，就非什麼出奇的事了。而當目標人物又半推半就欲拒還迎，此等正中下懷的著數，怎能不佔？

就算現在是多開放的年代都好，我都不相信「先做後愛」這一套。撇開道德目光，只是根據心理角度出發的話：一，免費的，沒人會用錢去買。二，容易到手的，沒人會珍惜。

戀愛伴侶跟性伴侶的分別就在於，因為要投入感情，所以對前者必定有佔有慾，而後者不過是肉慾渲洩，意義及價值總是低廉的。一個隨便而又容易的女人，在男人的眼中可以當性伴侶，但未必夠格可以成為其珍而重之而且置放感情的戀愛伴侶。

還未正式成為情侶，就已經做了所有可以做的事，那麼兩人的關係大概也就頂盡到此了。尤其是男人的性與愛絕對可以分開，只要一旦淪為性伴侶，Up-grade就不是易事。

就我自己，性不是問題，自卑 - > 控制欲強+依賴 = 需要親密接觸，那才是問題。

自卑每每因為自怨自艾，加上如今女友真的在別人懷裡，就知道真痛苦了。

既然自卑是因為羨慕別人能力強自己不夠強不夠好，那就去改變。

3 現在其實目標清晰

長期:Oxford PhD 主攻選舉研究

中期:讀好Manchester MA Democracy and Election

短期:做好基本Reading，掙好錢，訪好本地的教授們拿他們的意見

4. 但是更重要的，還是要好好修養自己

例如多點謝謝，客氣，從別人處想（真的，想想後原來很容易明白對方的觀感，努力成為習慣中）

也有，就是其實說話前，不要管什麼是不是歧視容易讓人誤會什麼的，先問，那是不是善意的話，還是只讓我們顯露出小聰明？

5.希望可以有更大的勇氣和毅力，面前不敢面對的事，完成困難的目標。

造物的，請給我只狗，讓我走點狗屎運吧。

Dear Professor Wong,

Thanks, I shall be there punctually. Currently I am still going through your journal article twice to make sure I am asking the right question, and at the same time preparing some question with regard to pursuing an academic career.

I have been talking to Professor Degolyer about some questions that I have, and he suggests me to gather more opinion from our fellows in the academic fields. (He is an extremely busy person, so it is also very hard to have some consultation with him as well...)

Parts of the questions are related to the definition of tactical voting, as yourself have been engineering some of the apps for reference of the public, I wonder how would you consider:

1) Compensatory voting in District/Legislative, Geographical/Functional

It appears to me that, as described in your paper, district election for the opposition can be motivated by democratic ideals, but if in general election opposition party did not receive very well, then it would consequentially affect its vote share if they would appeal to voters on democratic ideals in the next district election as opposition party is not likely to rule/have important influence on government.

Still, in the case of Hong Kong, can we argue the contrary that, many of the voters would feel district council is more of  a "functional organisation" whereas the legislative council is more of a balance and check, so that people would feel more important to elect pragmatic councilmen to district council, and legislative council with more of an opposition-mindset councilmen. (The view from a material viewpoint is also the same, that district council yields more direct gain as voters weigh greater) [Wong and Wan, 2007]

The above argument is raised as a hypothesis in view of the mindset displayed in the geographical/functional constituency voters, that many of them did not choose to vote democratic party in geographical constituency because of the limited number of parties in the Pan-dem in functional constituency DC2 , as suggested by Medias and DP themselves after the election.

The statistics do show strong connection of district-legislative election, but I wonder how would you have considered how likely in the opposite that such "compensatory mindset" would affect firstly, the GC/FC in legco election, and legco-district election. It is perhaps more of a qualitative approach, right now we lack data some everything is still hypothetical, but it was something I encountered during my research.

Secondly, can we call that a tactical voting? Is there any discourse over the phenomenon in the past?

2) Consciousness in Tactical Voting

As the election results appear, almost of the constituency came out with a distortion of voting, that we see the last winner and the first runner-up as a noticeably narrow margin than of first runner-up and second runner-up. I thought it suggests pretty strong evidence considering the different margins between the players to identify the behaviour of tactical voting. [G.Cox, 2001]

Still, in every year in HKUPOP or a survey conducted by Prof Ma in 2001 on the matter of tactical voting, the statistics came out pretty weak. I am not entirely sure about that.

Does tactical voting necessarily require the consciousness of voters, or is it a pure thing of observation from the results?



The questions do not stop here, but it is just some of the initial thoughts I have been developing since I have decided to pursue a Master degree and be doing similar researches like yourself are. Apart from the academic questions, some friendly advice on studying a Master degree or perhaps a PhD would be very welcomed. I look forward to be able to exchange ideas and thoughts face-to-face with you that day. 

Yours faithfully,

Andrew

1.其實我真的不介意她怎樣怎樣，都七年了，不關我的事，她和誰一起也沒關係。雖然說我對於她還是覺得後悔內疚，但是都過去了不重要。

人是會變的，她對我而言已經不是當時的她了，朋友都做不成，她美好的一面或者依靠存在，但是我的角度再也看不見。我也不是原來的我，我也變了，變得更好。

沒理由看不過眼她好，看不過別人好的自己也不會好，但是可不可以要我眼睜睜的看著她投人別人的懷抱。我可以接受，但我也不想知道了，她不想我，不喜歡我，那我也要努力別讓自己想到她，免得大家都為難。

2花時間健身，跑步，努力從Manchester抓到HKU的外國學生圖書證申請文件，在暑假把Reading讀好，和香港研究選舉的教授們都拜訪聊一下發展方向。

努力做好自己本份，自己範圍內的事，這已是所有能做的

3.記得記得

1. Guess if I am that upset/confused/irritated about having to deal with the whole matter, perhaps I can use that motivation to build up something for myself. I always wanted the motivation to work harder on gym, running, piano. Maybe it's sometime to finish the reading and leave chess for a bit of while. Just let go of her and whoever she is having an affair with, she's your ex, doesn't matter.

It appears that when dealing with stress, optimism and stamina are the two most important elements. Optimism is practically speaking initiative, creating the chances in the future so that one day the present will change (As it inevitably will!). And Stamina is what you need to endure all the mental and physical strain caused by anxiety and doubt.

2. You find a lot of consolation in knowing everyone would feel and do the same just like yourself. You notice it from reading what the others wrote or heard what they said. You think of yourself. You identify the same fault in yourself. You improve. And live on.

http://blog.menclub.hk/tsesaipei/2013/07/31/%E6%8E%A7%E5%88%B6%E6%85%BE/

1. It is quite impossible to judge with the benefit of hindsight. Stop blaming yourself, you did what you could, in fact both of you were pretty immature. One quite filling with her own fantasy into the relationship, the other feeling demanding and insecure.

At least you did your best at that time, you learn something. Time to move on.

2.  I will need to drill a bit more on the script and listen to my heart. Is it completely possible to break down your id and listen to your ego? More often than not, I think with a bit of help from the others you often can get the truth easily, and also you know it subconsciously, but it is very difficult to completely break down your conscious and witnessing your fear and anxiety. More like dealing with a wound without anesthetics

Andrew Leung

How would you feel if your ex-gf is together with your friend

I know this sounds silly, but erm, I am currently trying to deal with it

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

Dunno

Andrew Leung

Well

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

Never happened to me before

Actually

Andrew Leung

It's like my friend asked about my exgf when it was back to HKU open

It's something I feel really stupid and sorry about

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

I dont really know my stance on promiscuity

Andrew Leung

nah

Nothing like that

So back to HKU open

I met a friend of mine, my senior that is studying in HKU law

He asked about my exgf, something I feel sorry and stupid about because I was kinda of jerky or more than jerky that time

It has been seven years

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

Sexual exclusiveness is quite natural in an evolutionary sense

But we shudve transcended that

Perhaps deep down we still hvnt

Andrew Leung

So all the tournament pressure + he suddenly asks about her + my unwanted past

I assumed he was trying to hit on her

So I said, well I think you should if you wanted to.

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

Oh if its already ex

Then its fine

Andrew Leung

It's a bit like looking at something remorseful

And I have great respect for my friend

And now my friend is not really talking to me, I felt like I was being self-centered by second-guessing his intent of him asking that question

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

For u obvioysly there r lots of emotions attached

But think of it from ur frds perspective

Andrew Leung

Or I mean, perhaps I was just mad at myself not able to be more mature at that time.

Please explain, that's something I fail to apprehend

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

He likes a girl. Finds out shes ur ex. Worried he may hurt ur feelinga. So asked for ur consent

Isnt that a very gentlemanly thing to do?

Andrew Leung

It's pretty much a forced play, I cannot really say no, in fact I dream of them being together sometimes

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

Wud u rather hv him not tell u?

Andrew Leung

Not really, I am just realising in my subconscious I am feeling it, but my conscious mind rejects it

More than that, I am more afraid of losing my friend than for my ex which I have no control over

It is perhaps that I idolise my friend that I think he deserves her better than I do

She deserves him to perhaps. I am just purely speaking of the way of their ability and quality.

Of course, I think I am not capable of handling it well if we were still together, but gone are gone

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

Either supress it completely or tell ur frd u r not entirely comfortable so he will excuse u for any inappropriate behaviour on ur part

And rmb to tell him to go on and not misunderstand ur confession

Go on hitting on her i mean

Andrew Leung

Still a bit hesitant, I am a bit more worried for losing my friend than him actually hitting on her

Because she doesn't like me anymore, but I value him as a good friend

It's not worth giving up something you value more and have control in for something that is not your part to play.

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

Of course

Thus either act normal

Or explain ur abnormal behaviour

Andrew Leung

That's the embarrassing part

It would have been better if it wasn't during my tournament run

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

So

Andrew Leung

I know, still trying to figure out the way to handle the abnormal part

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

Did u act normal or abnormally

Andrew Leung

Quite normally when I see him face to face

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

Then dont over think

Andrew Leung

Then because of the sleeplessness that night second-guessing his intent, I just said to him I think you should go for her, and deleted my whatsapp account afterwards. I mean, it's fine with me but I just don't want to witness it

Lately, I have been trying to perhaps contact him to see him before my leave for UK

It's all about knowing what's proper but sometimes you cannot bear witnessing it or knowing it fully.

cyruslaihy@gmail.com

Oh well i guess its hard to control ones emotions when it comes to matters like these

So dont be too hard on urself

Andrew Leung

I know I have lost her, I know she doesn't like me, I still feel remorseful towards her and things I have done because of what I have cultivated as a kid under my experience of being bullied thus feeling insecure and I have very little conscious of what I was doing that time16:46

Now my friend comes, I know of him, he is very capable man , decent man. I am not sure they want to be together, though sometimes I imagined to be so out of remorse and appreciation for my friend (In fact he is my senior and he helped me a lot during my growth)

I know that if they want to be together they should, and in fact they deserve to be with each other, but I am not sure I can witness and eavesdrop the whole process of it, even now when I am comparatively more mature and emotionally competent

Should start taking things as they are instead of as what you want them to be.

She is treating me like dirt, whoever person she is in front of anyone, she is to be treating me like dirt.

People change, good to bad, bad to good, either way you take it, so we have to bear in mind that people are not always the person you think they are.

1.有時候，我想，會不會有機會有明星什麼的和我發展關係，You know，純粹 Notthing Hill一樣的學術討論。

其實會不會壓力很大，會不會別人看我不起配不上，等等。

最後，還是覺得我會和她一起。因為這不是別人的問題，而終於是自己的問題。

如果這是別人的問題，那為什麼上一次就算別人也算不甚多話，我也會因為自卑和自大的問題，不是對女朋友黏就是控制慾強。

所以，別人話多，我們會受影響，但是就算別人不多話，自己的心裡還是會有聲音。看不看得起自己，一不一起，憑的都是自己的信心和意志。

承擔起應有的責任，努力的讀書和工作，勇敢一點抱著會受傷的覺悟去愛而被拒絕也從容不迫當成是生活的部份。我覺得這才是應有的態度，而不是終日畏首畏尾怕自己能力不高對方條件太好沒幸福別人看不起。

看不起自己的從來都只有自己。

2. Nice是回事，對你有感覺是回事。女人對所有人都Nice，不一定是有感覺。

3.做回自己，多儲經驗，再善良一點，但再硬一點。

1能說的說了，能做的做了。了解自己能力的局限，專心做好自己能改變的事。

2.繼續找工作，工作的確可以給自己作息定時，生活動作，收入和堅強自己讀書的意志。女人有事就傾訴，男人有時多找份兼職。

3.最近下棋找回點熱情

4.還是想找到另一半，但是可以再等等，別心急別強迫，了解所有人都有自由意志

5用暑假讀好Reading，太多了，不早讀不行

6網上說如何追回Ex，有人說要Stop，知自己錯咩先，等番三五七年，我回：

.其實我覺得真係有道理，要睇到自己錯咩衰咩其實真係要好耐時間。已經同追唔追得番無關，而係你能唔能夠成為一個更好既人，對自己負責

別人如何你管不了，能管好的只有自己

這些日子寫了這麼多，也許自相矛盾，也許有點過火，只是我一路堅信這些紀錄自己思想的隨筆最純粹最真實，有助改變反思。沒有經歷過悲觀的樂觀，只是膚淺；要看得見世界的醜惡而仍舊相信世界美好，才是真正的樂觀。

真有才華的發篇文章都能走紅，出人頭地不是夢，今天讀到這個覺得很受用

http://forum5.hkgolden.com/view.aspx?type=LV&message=5046529

心態(1) 

各位有無一個經驗,就係當你好在乎一樣野,或者一種東西。就會每日提心吊膽,戰戰兢兢,活在惶恐之中,最後甚至會情緒失控,嚴重者更加會崩潰。 

相反,如果抱住謀事在人,成事在天既態度,唔去期望得失,反而會過得欣然,無期望,自然會無失望,人自會有正能量,能夠感染到身邊既人同事,緊張情緒自會一掃而空。 

其實,係任何範圍既事,無論學業,事業,家庭,戀愛,婚姻方面,如果能夠舉重若輕既話,自然會活得自在。俗語有云:治大國如烹小鮮,又有幾多人領略到呢種境界? 

當然大家會話,講容乜易,咁易做到咩? 咁呢方面只要豐富你人生閱歷,自會能夠將負能量減低,同意嗎? 

心態(2) 

最近成日聽巴打們講,甚至筆者自己都親身見過唔少自稱毒向左走向右走既巴打們,其實好多人都疑惑,為何對方明明就外型身型唔錯,衣著都緊貼潮流,為何還會俾人覺得毒既感覺? 

以本人所認知,所謂毒唔毒好多時源自於做人既心態。想像一下,如果凡事執著,放唔開,有諸內形諸外,就會俾人一種好重負能量既感覺,而呢種感覺係會互相感染,令人對你避而遠之,形成惡性循環,想脫毒就會更難,遙遙無期。。 

反而若果你個人本身充滿正能量,能夠凡事看開,知道世間好多事唔能夠強求,天跌落黎當被冚既態度既話,就算你外型點差,衣著幾cheap都好,一樣會令自己樂觀既態度感染別人。而正能量一樣可以互相感染,大家互相勉勵,層次境界自會唔同。。 

當然,睇唔睇得開,好多時就取決於個人經歷同埋遇事時既態度,個人成功與否取決於此,對嗎? 

心態(3) 

一直以黎係高登睇到好多巴絲們經常對現狀不滿,例如唔知點脫毒,唔知點同男/女神溝通,當兵又唔知點退伍等。。。其實大家有無諗過改變自己心態,擺脫現有既生活模式,離開現有既舒適圈(comfort zone)呢? 

好多人會對不可預知既改變,會存在一種恐懼同不安感。因為要打破一直以黎既生活同思考模式,意味住過往所倚賴既心態要局部甚至全盤推翻,尤其大家對改變之後既不可知既將來感到不知所措,都係大家拒絕改變留在舒適圈裡面既最大理由! 

但各位又有否想到,如果一直存在咁樣既思想,隨住年紀漸長,想改變既阻力就會越大,到時就會俾更大壓力自己,令自己唔敢面對。到最後索性採取放棄既態度,所謂咁就一世,白白糟蹋自己既人生呢? 

Thinking about the past is good as long as it gives you something new to learn, whereas always thinking about the past merely feels good but is not good, because you have all of your own attention, that's called self-centered.

Move on and be strong.