Hello Diary,

Back so lately because I am so busy, currently still continuing with my exhibitionism on Facebook to test my limit.

Although I am a rational person (mostly), increasingly I am seeing the value attachment and psychological part of the play, all the attention, need for value, like a soccer player would perform some rituals.

Able to take it as it is, and not afraid to be bitching about things, just to make sure it doesn't sound too egocentric and bitching in a good/"readable for others" way. We all need a little rant to make ourselves feel better.

In certain times we have no influence over the outcome, but we should still try, because not trying fails 100%, because trying is not for winning/losing but it defines who we are.

I guess I am still sending the letter to Rose. Her might have different thoughts, maybe suspicious of my motive. Couldn't care less, at least I can honestly tell myself that I miss her and I still love her, that it was all about me loving her too much and having too little self respect, turning me into a bit of a nut cake, also perhaps she was too induced in some prince-princess fantasy.

Just wanted her to be happy, regardless, that is my most sincere confession. At least I send to letter to make myself feel good, because I can really look at my own conscience and say, I told her that I am grateful for everything and I wish her well.

Okay, time to be accountable to self on my own studies.

Yours,
Andrew