Updated Version of Letter to Rose (Again corrected some typos)

Yes, I think I should write a letter to her, have been thinking about it. Maybe it's time to draft it here. I want to write something

Rose, 

By the time you are reading this letter, I am overseas for my Masters degree. It has been six years since our break up.

For six years I have been trying my best to conceal my feelings for you, for I know you would prefer it that way, but lately I have no longer been able to cage up my thoughts. The confession is literally forced out of me.        

It is clear to me now, finally after all these times for myself to ponder over the matter, and more importantly, my self. It was my lack of self appreciation, due to perhaps not very merry a childhood and competitive schooling I received as a boy, that gave me fear and loneliness all the years before I have met you. 

In order to make up for the lack of courage, I tried to play the charming, confident self which deep down just making matters worse with all the people in my life. Thus the bipolar of loathe and love.

There is no point dwell on the past though, and I ask myself do I still have feelings for you? The truth is I loved you, and I still do, but nothing stands comparison with you really being happy with someone you probably are meeting now, which is more important than being able to see you again, if we are to be. For I love you, I have always wished that you may be happy with someone else and your family, though I will not bear to be the witness of.

If it is meant to be, we will not see each other for the rest of our lives, and it is perhaps the best possible outcome, but my heart will forever be fond of you as all female literature students are to Rupert Brooke, until I am become dust.

I just want to thank you for having loved me as you did, and I just have to tell you how I still feel towards you, and you deserve to read about it. Although it is too late, it makes me happy to be able to say that to you, .

Yours,

Andrew

Taken a bit of time away from the letter, it is now time to re-examine the use of words and so forth to make sure it is to the point.

Hello Diary,

Back so lately because I am so busy, currently still continuing with my exhibitionism on Facebook to test my limit.

Although I am a rational person (mostly), increasingly I am seeing the value attachment and psychological part of the play, all the attention, need for value, like a soccer player would perform some rituals.

Able to take it as it is, and not afraid to be bitching about things, just to make sure it doesn't sound too egocentric and bitching in a good/"readable for others" way. We all need a little rant to make ourselves feel better.

In certain times we have no influence over the outcome, but we should still try, because not trying fails 100%, because trying is not for winning/losing but it defines who we are.

I guess I am still sending the letter to Rose. Her might have different thoughts, maybe suspicious of my motive. Couldn't care less, at least I can honestly tell myself that I miss her and I still love her, that it was all about me loving her too much and having too little self respect, turning me into a bit of a nut cake, also perhaps she was too induced in some prince-princess fantasy.

Just wanted her to be happy, regardless, that is my most sincere confession. At least I send to letter to make myself feel good, because I can really look at my own conscience and say, I told her that I am grateful for everything and I wish her well.

Okay, time to be accountable to self on my own studies.

Yours,
Andrew