It's very easy to die for your ideals, and it's painless. But can you really hammer yourself to be something and redeem yourself? Can you outlive the shadows of Sydney Carton and finish the walk? That's the real question.

Melissa, just wanted to let you know for the messages, it wasn't easy. Lately you haven't been replying, perhaps you have blocked me, this may well be the last time I can ever message you.

Struggled against myself a few dozen times, before gathering to courage to send them to you, because I'd know you are afraid of people flirting with you, and from your Korean whatsapp statuses, you'd still be in the ripples of your past relationship.

I really wish to know more about you, everything about you. Your adventures, your culture, your thoughts, your humble and persistent pursuit for your own desires. It all amazes and enchants me.

You cannot imagine how happy I was when you ask me to be your acquaintance to study English, thought the voluntary summer classes would be a good way we may work together, to get to know just a little more about you, at least as friends for the moment, if I shall have your permission.

Although it is too late, it makes me happy to be able to say that to you. My heart is sincere, and I am not a man that can just going along with any other girls. I hope it deserves your reply.

Revised

Dear Melissa,

Recalling the chatters we had on love letters, I have been thinking of writing one to you, but it is not easy for me because I worry how you would read this letter.

Every time when we chat on whatsapp and facebook, I feel like speaking a foreign language - Emojis and short sentences employed to continue the conversation, conceal the truthful intent yet hoping that they would earn your swift reply. You cannot imagine the happiness your words would bring to me, be it whatever, whenever, wherever, however.

I am attracted to you, and my heart grows fond of you as time goes by. Drawn not only to your beauty, but also your humble and persistent effort in pursuing what your heart desires, the width of your horizon having lived and spoken of many countries' cultures, it all fascinates me.

To me you are a dream, Greek sculpture craved out of the finest pearl, silver and ivory, Pygmalion's ideals coming to life. I desire you be a part of my life, and shall dream to be a part of your life too.

In our conversation you would often show caution and doubts over your past relationship, and it is not my wish to tarnish thy memory. Rather, I am fearful that my confession would trouble your mind, since you are still uncertain of the things in your life at this very moment. I would only hope to accompany you in your worry times, just being there next you, letting you know that someone is always around.

That would be all I hope for, and my heart desires nothing more.

Yours,

Andrew

Think it's probably good time to draft another love letter

Dear Melissa,

Recalling the chatters we had on love letters, I have been thinking of writing a love letter to you, yet when reading again the love letter collections possessed, it is indeed difficult to to gain inspirations from the ones written by great men and women of their times.

Since they were often already lovers, often their sentiments were exaggerating and their affection too deep . For a confession and prayer like mine, the classics may offer no guidance. In our turbulent times, taking oneself too serious is not recommendable, of which our words and desires, can never be proportion to the time and sentiments we share. I am unsure whether this letter qualifies as such.

Every time when we chat on whatsapp and facebook, I feel like speaking a foreign language - Emojis and shallow sentences employed to continue the conversation, conceal the truthful intent yet hoping that they would earn your swift reply.

The confession is forced out of me: I am attracted to you. Drawn not only to your beauty, but also your humble and persistent effort in pursuing what your heart desires. It is also rare for a girl to be fluent in various languages, having dream to travel around the world. To me you are perfect, the sweetest dream of men, a companion to share the rest of my life, and shall only hope that one day I shall also be desired by you.

In our conversation you often show caution and doubts over your past relationship, and it is not my wish to tarnish your memory. Rather, I am fearful that my confession would trouble your mind, since you are still uncertain of the things in your life at this very moment. I would only hope to accompany you in your worry times, just being there next you, knowing that someone is around.

Dare not say I love you, for love is yet to be a proper word to be spoken and written of. Nevertheless, my heart is fond of you and would hope to be your boyfriend to know more about you, about us. For "to like" is to be frivolous, but "to love" is to be restraining, at the very least may I pray that this letter have not brought you much trouble.

Yours,
Andrew

It's easy when people have to work with you, but as time goes by, for example when I want to start my own voluntary service scheme, you need to persuade people to work with you, and people really have to like you to volunteer their time with you. There is really no right and wrong, you'd just have to play by their rules if you want their help.

Reading my past essays, I do think that they are slightly too critical and too pretentious.

《語文的問題》

話說最初很多人趕潮流寫下不少對現在學生價值觀的批判，我回頭數數自己年過二十，似乎也是時候參一腳。批判總是有趣的，這年頭不少人覺得需要寫東西來教訓一下別人，也有不少人不打不爽喜歡受人教訓並沉迷下去，然後關掉屏幕回到現實繼續生活，精神分裂在互聯網出現以後不是夢想，是生活的全部。

很多人最近說，這年代後生的英文都不怎行，啊，中文都不怎行。我好奇說出口的那些人都是什麼年代裡生的，好像現在跟他們一點關係都沒。一個年代的壞總是由上往下，例如壞語文總是先出現在公文，大眾媒體和課文，然後一步步在學生身上朽下去。

沒有發言權的沒有影響力，倒過來沒有影響力的也就沒發言權，你語文水平不高作的文用的句子總不可能流傳於世吧。大家總是在最常看見和讀到字的地方學到壞例子生壞習慣，潛移默化，那就是報紙和公文。別的不說，光是西化的中文就已經夠壞。

壞的原因不是讀不懂，是囉嗦。好的中文簡潔有力不囉嗦，但是好多人習慣了，讀到好的中文就不順眼反而群成反之。文言文就是好東西，寫來是起碼又省力又浪漫，但是有幫吃飽了撐的卻說不用背，靈活運用。這個世界沒有不背的，只有儘量背些好的有用的，不然只會說靈活運用但是沒有記住了知識，其實就是不會嘛。

而且西化的中文根本就是不用腦，自己一個個字搬過來，還能對人說是為了准確，所以才一個個字譯。真虧他。一段段意譯不見得一定好，但是每個字都能在字典裡看到一個樣的就一定差。余光中在《從西而不化到西而化之》（具體名字忘了，好像是）拿錢鍾書的《談教訓》來說這事就剛好合得貼一貼，大家可以自己上網盜版看。

話說錢鍾書真神，作家中中英能並駕齊的他是第一，不是之一。

至於英文，我都忘了是誰放Practical Skills進UE，根本一開場就已經覺得英文是用來吃飯的，和湯匙一樣。這真的沒問題，但是你把英文的用途定得那麼低，都Use of English了，而另一方面你又要求學生的水平要在水平之上，那就很虛偽。大家就罵我吧，對我來說，你不是用英文吃飯的，英文水平根本不用那麼高。只要一個學生的英文水平夠他用，那就很好了，這不正合你Use of English的歡麼。

但是你又覺得那不夠，覺得大家都IELTS都要有7，覺得會考高考大家都要有個C，覺得學生都應該可以出口成文最好還帶點口音……一個人的英文真的不用很好，就如數學沒有需要學得那麼深，你在街市買菜都用不著因式分解。至於邏輯，用不著用數學學，學好語文就已經能掌握點基本邏輯。每當你想不到有什麼用處時，總能說是訓練思考，這是最低級的理由。

至於說學生怕犯錯不敢錯，所以學不好語文，都不知是誰一開此把社會競爭弄得這樣大，說只有能上大學才能有好工作，幼稚園還得Astronaut。（現在我們都知道這是錯的，份工搵不到，惟有Loan隨身才是真理。何況有太多工作根本不用大學學歷，紮鐵都35000一個月，做一年就可以讀副學士還升大學了）

這一切可以歸到那套管理主義，凡事斬開論斤計件只問指標必需量化。不過這又是後話，可以留給上一代繼續說。

-- 

Yours faithfully,

Andrew

I think in all eventualities, there is still a likely possibility that my parents are getting revorced.

Dad has his dreams, Mom has her dreams. They have finished raising us, they should go for their dreams, I'd respect that.

At the same time I must count on the fact that since I cannot possibly rely on him, I must be able to find my own way to deal with things. Financial stability is one of them.